Six Tips for Using Your Child's Report Card to Foster a Growth Mindset
When I talk about report cards, I can see everyone’s faces fall and feel the knots in their stomachs. Report cards can be stressful for parents, guardians, teachers, administrators, and students.
As a teacher, I couldn’t understand why everyone else was so stressed. I was the one staying up late, entering grades, writing in comments, scheduling last-minute parent meetings, and grading late work. Now that I work with parents and administrators, the stress on the other side of the table is all too familiar. Grab a cup of hot cocoa, and let’s work through this biannual stress together with some research-driven strategies.
Why am I so stressed about my child’s report card?
Parenting is hard. Parenting a child with learning challenges is even harder. There is no annual report detailing your strengths and weaknesses in this challenging, important job. There is no “right way” to parent, and social media puts new pressures on parents that didn’t exist in the past. Many use report cards to evaluate their parenting to cope with this uncertainty.
My child is doing well; therefore, I did a good job.
My child is failing; therefore, I am failing.
As a veteran teacher, school leader, and Doctor of Education, I assure you that nothing is further from the truth. Your child’s report card is not a reflection of your parenting. You are doing a good job. How do I know? You’re spending your free time reading a blog post about how to help your student succeed.
Another common source of anxiety is that parents are worried that their child will never recover from a bad grade. They worry that their student will see themselves as a failure and stop engaging in school. However, these moments of success and failure are opportunities for growth and self-exploration. Use the report card for what it is: a communication tool for positive change.
Below Are Six Tips for Using Your Child’s Report Card to Foster a Growth Mindset:
- Start by celebrating the positive.
When you see a big, fat “F” on your child’s report card, it can feel like a blinking light yelling, “problem, problem, problem.” Human beings naturally tend to focus on what isn’t working and fixing the problems. However, organizational and educational scholars tell us repeatedly that concentrating on the positive first leads to lasting change. The technical word for this approach is “appreciative inquiry,” which is fundamental for creating a growth mindset (Hammond, 2013). Yes, we must address the Ds and Fs, but let’s start by celebrating the “As” and “Bs,” even if they’re just in physical education or art class. This shift can help your child notice and build on their strengths.
- Create a safe space to talk about report cards.
Parents and students are busy. It can be hard to find time to slow down and talk. As best you can, try to avoid talking about report cards in the car on your way from school to an extracurricular activity. Set aside time to sit down as a team and speak openly about the year. If you have a blended family or are co-parenting across different households, try to create an opportunity for everyone to sit down together. You want your students to feel psychologically safe to listen to you, consider your perspective, and begin reinforcing or changing their behavior (Patterson et al., 2012). Remember, this safe space is essential for any report card. If your student has done well and is proud of their achievements, give the appropriate time and attention to celebrate. - Acknowledge and validate your students’ feelings about school.
Many children and teens hide their report cards from their parents. This hiding is especially common with my students who are neurodiverse or have learning challenges. They can feel hopeless or embarrassed about their grades—even students who get straight As can be overwhelmed by the anxiety of report cards. As best you can, validate your students’ feelings about school. I understand that you are stressed about that grade. I see why you have high expectations for yourself. It’s okay if you feel frustrated or discouraged right now. I’m glad you’re so proud of your work this quarter. Stress directly decreases achievement and harms health outcomes (Sapolsky, 2004; Steele, 2013). By acknowledging our students’ feelings and creating safe spaces, we can help them decrease stress and increase their achievement.
- Ask your student open-ended questions about their report card.
As adults, we assume we know what students think and feel. I understand the urge to turn to a student and say, “See, this happens when you don’t turn in your work.” However, grades are not punishments. Ask your child open-ended questions, “why do you think you got this grade?” “Do you think you gave your best effort this quarter?” “What do you think helped you the most this quarter?” “What do you think you can do better for next quarter?” “What are you proud of from this year?” You may be surprised at how much insight they are willing to share and how report cards can help you build your relationship with your child (Temple et al., 2011).
- Create small steps and attainable goals.
Students often want to bite off more than they can chew. During the first week back from winter break, they are ready to get straight As this quarter and turn in every assignment at 100%. While this ambition is excellent, this all-in-one goal-setting leads to failure. (Why do so many people give up New Year’s resolutions before February?). Taking small, achievable steps and celebrating small successes will likely lead to lasting change. In education and organizational psychology, we call these small steps “kaizen.” Rather than the goal, “I will get As on every test this quarter,” say, “I will study at least 2 hours for every test this quarter.” Rather than, “I will turn in all of my homework assignments,” start with, “I will write down all of my homework assignments in my planner.” And when your student achieves these small steps, celebrate them like the gold academic achievement medal. Once you’ve got a handle on step one, you can move to step two and build on your goals throughout the year, not just at report card time.
- Find your child’s superpowers in their challenges, especially if they have learning differences.
Parents and students can be skeptical when I tell them that our learning disabilities can be hidden superpowers. Just because our brains are different or “atypical” doesn’t mean they are worse. When looking at weaknesses, try to see the hidden superpowers hidden on the typical report card.
I say this from personal experience, not just from the thousands of students I have worked with but in my educational journey. I struggled with spelling my entire childhood. I was allowed to use a dictionary even during tests because my writing wasn’t understandable without support. My parents worked with me year after year, and slowly, I grew my spelling. We had to move beyond how everyone else was learning and find something that worked for me and my neurodiverse brain. I started to learn the deep-rooted rules of English. Because I took that time to learn the intricacies of my first language, other languages came to me much faster. I can look back and appreciate that the way my brain struggled with spelling turned into a strength. Today, I speak six languages fluently and learn more every day. There was a hidden polyglot with a multilingual superpower in the same corner of my brain that struggled with spelling.
Six tips for Engaging with your Child’s Teacher about Report Cards:
- Schedule a meeting ahead of time; do not just show up at school.
Parents often think it isn’t a big deal to come into a classroom at the last minute and have a quick conversation about their child’s report card. In most workplaces, this happens all the time. However, teaching is very different. When you meet with your child’s teacher, you want their full attention, respect, and advice. This cannot happen over a last-minute conversation, especially if students are in front of that teacher or preparing for a busy school day. The same is true for field trips and class parties. These are very stressful events for teachers; they cannot give you their undivided attention. When I meet with a parent, I appreciate looking at the student’s story holistically. I can’t do this at the last minute. My best parent meetings are always those scheduled a week ahead of time.
- Talk to your child before you talk to their teacher.
I have had hundreds of parent meetings throughout my career. Parents and students often talk about their report cards for the first time in parent-teacher meetings. Setting aside time before a parent-teacher conference can empower your child to take ownership of their work. Your child will appreciate that you took the time to hear their side of the story first. Remind your student that these meetings are about communication, not blame or punishment.
- Talk to your child’s teacher before talking to the administration.
Let’s face it: not all teachers are created equal. We have all had teachers that just didn’t work for us or our students. Whether it’s learning and teaching styles or a relationship that’s not clicking, it can be easy to see bad grades and run straight to the school administration to fix the problem. It’s natural for humans to see a problem, and want to react right away. Most teachers, however, will take a direct report from the principal as a sign of disrespect. They will be much less likely to engage and move forward with you and your students if it seems like you are already against them. Try to work together as a team. If the relationship is still not clicking, you can always loop the administration in at a later point. Your student’s teacher will appreciate that you came to them first.
- Ask your teacher for strategies for the future, not blame for the past.
Teachers often get into education because we want to help our students succeed and empower them to live happy, fulfilling lives. We have worked with thousands of students and are always learning new strategies. I love it when parents ask me for strategies. It shows that they are open to my ideas and willing to try new things with their student. With this growth mindset, we can dive together into ways to work for the next quarter. My least favorite parent meetings are ones in which parents turn to me, the administration, another teacher, their child, or each other, hoping to find blame. These meetings generally do not lead to lasting change or progress for the next quarter. As best you can, try to stay calm and focus on the future, not the past.
- Do not ask for extra credit or turn in late assignments once report cards are published.
I cannot emphasize enough how time-consuming report cards are for all teachers. Especially for public school teachers, much of this work is unpaid. When parents come to me after report cards are published and want me to change their students’ grades with either extra credit or turn in late assignments, it is like a punch to the chest. Most parents don’t understand that we must go through an entire appeals process once report cards are published to change grades. If we offer this late-work exception to one child, we must offer it to all children. This appeals process especially hurts when you’ve given the child numerous reminders about late work, missing grades, or opportunities for extra credit. Again, you will get a much better working relationship and opportunities for future growth if you focus on the future and not the past.
- If you want a change from your child’s teacher, make it specific.
Teachers have a bird’s eye view of a classroom. We are juggling the needs of up to 32 students at the same time. As a parent, you are laser-focused on your students’ needs and can give us important perspectives. If something needs to change, let your teacher know. Make sure that these changes are reasonable and specific. “I’ve spoken with my child, and we think it might help if he sat closer to the board,” or “Would it be possible for my student to use noise-canceling headphones during tests?” Phrases like these will go a long way towards positive relationships and change.
Remember, you, your student and their teacher are one team. We often want the same things and need communication methods to move forward. Report cards are an excellent opportunity to build this growth mindset.
References
Hammond, S. A. (2013). The thin book of appreciative inquiry (3rd ed.). Thin Book
Publishing Co.
Maurer, R. (2012). The spirit of Kaizen: Creating Lasting Excellence One Small Step at a
Time. McGraw Hill Education.
Miller, R. (2020). Advanced guide of effective kaizen methods and strategies in the
information era. Kindle.
ed.). McGraw Hill Education.
Sapolsky, R. M. (2004). Why zebras don’t get ulcers (3rd ed.). Fenn & Company, Ltd.
Steele, C. (2013). Whistling Vivaldi. Audible.
Temple, C., Ogle, D., Crawford, A., & Freppon, P. (2011). All children read (3rd
ed.). Pearson.
To find out more about BES’s Executive Functioning services, schedule a free call here or email as at info@basseducationalservices.com