Have you ever helped your student clean out their backpack to find it is a disaster two days later? Have you ever purchased a folder only for your student to lose it, before they find both folders again?
You are not alone. Many parents, especially those whose students have learning differences are caught in these same cycles of fixing and repairing, organizing and reorganizing. I promise there is a better way. Organization is a fundamental skill, not a personality trait.
I speak from experience; I started at the very bottom. I have worked with hundreds of students. I have never met a student whose desk and locker were as messy as that of my younger self. If becoming organized seems like an impossible goal for your student, just remember that change is possible. I now help parents and students on this same journey find freedom in organization.
Here are my 10 pieces of advice to “get your stuff together” for fellow neurodivergent brains:
1. Stop what Isn’t Working
So many people get caught in clean-unclean, organize-reorganize cycles. Sometimes, you must stop and admit to yourself the way everyone else is doing this isn’t working for me. When I was a kid, I was constantly throwing unmatched pairs into an overstuffed drawer. There were a number of occasions in which my entire family was late because “Meghan couldn’t find matching socks.”
Sometimes you need to admit to yourself that you will never be the type of person that will match their socks right when they come out of the laundry. Stop, empty the drawer, and buy 20 pairs of identical socks that always match instead.
2. Don’t Do it For Them
It is a monumental effort of patience to help your student learn organization. I completely empathize with the often faster and easier choice to clean out their backpack, bedroom, agenda, folder, or gym bag for them. I promise this will only end in a cycle of tears, frustration, and resentment that doesn’t fix the underlying problem.
Remember, organization is a key skill that your student will need to be successful throughout their lives. A student may not put in the effort to learn this skill if they feel like their parent or guardian will just do it for them. Take a deep breath and resist the urge to “just do it for them.” You can instead encourage and help them re-group. The pain is temporary, but the benefits are lasting.
3. Find One Spot
Finding the right place or planning for future events are complex cognitive tasks. The less brain power needed to keep something organized, the more likely it is going to stay organized. By having one, exact location, we reduce that mental load. In my home, I find supports like shadow boards (peg boards with cut outs of exactly what goes there behind it) can be really helpful.
I find sock and shoe organizers (a big rectangle with pockets) are versatile. I use them to organize power cords, craft supplies and…socks.
Using rainbow order can be a powerful way for me to remember the exact spot for something without labeling it.
But most of the time, I find labels to be most effective. Especially if I’m using something that I can’t see easily (like a shoe organizer in the bathroom), it needs labels. Dyslexic students can struggle with word labels, but I find pictures are a great substitute.
4. It Must Fit 100% of the Time
When finding exact locations for your stuff is making sure everything fits 100% of the time. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve seen students try to shut trapper keepers or pencil cases overloaded with supplies. It’s much better to keep half of the school supplies at home and restock as needed. When everything fits, organization is just easier.
5. Beware of Knick-Knacks
Students are developing their own interests, passions, hobbies and style in adolescence. Knick-knacks, small treasures are one way that they assert themselves as an individual, separate from the larger group identity. However, when they are on desks, backpacks, bedside tables, and lunch boxes, they can become clutter hazards. I encourage parents and students to put these kinds of things on specific shelves that they can look at while they work, but don’t have to fight for space with essential items.
6. Cleaning Days are not the Solution
While I encourage you to give your student chores and responsibilities around the house, having a weekly cleaning session is not the answer to your organizational woes.
This is especially important for students with ADHD. Hallowell and Ratey (2021) explain that the ADHD brain has a less developed concept of time. There are only two times: “now” and “not now.” If you have a set-aside cleaning day, the only organization that is going to happen will be on that day. You want your student to develop consistent routines that can create well-worn treads in their thought processes so organizational habits become automatic, not an extra chore.
7. Purchase with Intention
When you are purchasing anything for your child you should think about function first. Don’t buy the super cute folder with their favorite sports team if it doesn’t have the pockets or central holes they need to be successful. Consider, are magnets inside their locker really helpful? Or do they fall off all the time and make a mess on the floor? Think about where your student will put objects as you buy them and if you need to clear out any space to fit new things.
8. Put it Where you Need it
Social media and magazines trigger our guilt and make it seem like our spaces should be full of closed drawers and organized wicker baskets. Put something not where it looks the best, but where you are most likely to need it. For example, I need my keys, dog leash and hat as I’m leaving the door. I put the hooks for these items by the door. It may look better if I could put these items in a bin somewhere but, I know I can’t keep it up. Function always wins over fashion.
I find that important papers are the hardest things to keep organized. I really like white-board calendars that have a cork board attached to them. For me, technology (like a digital calendar) is overstimulating so the white board gives me a way to check in without checking my phone. I put the important papers I’m going to need for any events that month on the cork board so I can easily find them.
9. Don’t Fight Where You Always Leave Things
If you find that your child is leaving items in the same “wrong” spot over and over again, don’t fight it. Instead, make this a new “right spot.” For example, I found I was leaving totally clean clothes in giant piles on the floor. I’d try them on in the morning or wear them for only a few minutes. I installed a coat hook next to my bed and now, this pile looks more organized and has a “right” spot. When I try on clothes for the next day, I usually reach here first. I hate to say that anything is universal, but I have recommended this coat-hook-next-to-the-bed strategy to a lot of parents and it is a consistent success.
10. Find Freedom in Being Organized
When I talk about organization, I use the word freedom. Organization isn’t something annoying that I have to do anymore. It isn’t a failure or a weight on my shoulders. It is the freedom from worry, freedom from wasting my time, and freedom from dependency on others. One of the most important things you can do to help your student become more organized is to build their intrinsic motivation. While extrinsic motivators may be important in the short-term, your student needs to see why being organized will help them get what they want in the long-term.
I need to finish by thanking my mother, Lisa Vismara. When I was young, she was exceedingly patient through my lost keys, coats, field trip notes, books, and homework. She had a gold medal in dropping off forgotten backpacks, instruments, and lunchboxes to front offices. At the end of the school year, she would help me carry my suitcases of items that had made their way to the school (or swim team…or church) lost-and-found bins. For over a decade, she helped me clean out sock drawers, lockers, backpacks, and bedrooms.
I say this because I think all parents, especially those of children with learning differences, need to hear that they are enough for their child. Your support in the journey is everything. Remember that even though it may take time, tears, patience, and practice, your child can learn to get their stuff together and they will really thank you for helping them do it.
For more ideas and personalized suggestions be sure to schedule a meeting with myself or one of our other fabulous executive function coaches and we will set you on a pathway to success.