Having attended hundreds of IEP meetings in my career, I’m here to help families make the most of this important yet stressful time while staying focused on mutual respect, understanding, and open-mindedness.
Don’t Sign What You Don’t Understand
IEPs are not like other school forms; they are legally binding contracts. If you don’t understand something or if something doesn’t feel right, don’t sign the IEP. Your child’s IEP team is not trying to trick or confuse you. They want you to feel comfortable and satisfied with your child’s accommodations.
If you have concerns about changes, try to address them proactively as questions by emailing your child’s school professionals. Rather than saying, “That won’t work!”, pose a question like, “What will happen if my child is still struggling after we implement these new changes?”
Do Ask Questions
Don’t be afraid to ask questions before, during, and after meetings. School professionals can forget that their educational lingo isn’t common in everyday conversations. IEPs are only useful if everyone on the team understands how to follow them. Asking questions shows school professionals that you’re curious and you care.
If you yourself need any accommodations, please ask for these well ahead of time. From ASL interpreters, to large print, to translated documents, most schools are happy to provide these supports if given enough notice.
Don’t Go to the Meeting in Passing
Parents sometimes try to schedule the meeting during their lunch break. How parents show up to meetings communicates a subtle message; you do not want that message to be my time is more valuable than your time.
Especially when thinking about your child’s first or second year of getting and adjusting accommodations, IEP meetings are more than just signing papers. Rushing through the meeting can get in the way of a long-term productive path. As best you can, create an environment in which you can successfully advocate for your child.
Do Prepare for an Emotional Meeting
Especially if we are navigating a new diagnosis, these meetings can be draining. Parents often get emotional. It is so hard to hear the person you love most in the world is struggling. Often parents have put a lot of effort into helping their child be successful and it’s so frustrating to hear that these efforts have not created the expected results.
Take a deep breath. Remember, every time you show up with love and acceptance for your child you are exactly the parent they need. Try to give yourself a moment to reflect on the meeting when you leave (away from your child) so that you can process information and feelings.
Don’t Look for Someone to Blame
Unproductive IEP meetings are all about blame. Whether it be teachers blaming parents for not following through, parents blaming teachers for a student’s failure, or parents blaming each other, blame will never lead to lasting solutions. At the end of the day, whether you love or are frustrated with your child’s school, teacher, or principal, they will only be in your child’s life for a short time. Think about setting the student up for success after they leave that specific environment.
Do Have an Attitude of Gratitude
Even if you are frustrated with your child’s school or teacher, try to come in with an attitude of gratitude. Public school teachers (and many private school teachers) are not compensated for the extra time that it takes for them to prepare for IEP meetings (ranging from 1-5 hours of work per child) and the meeting itself comes during a teacher’s planning period. Those looking in from the outside may not realize that teachers have dozens if not hundreds of these uncompensated meetings per year.
Meetings where parents show up already angry, frustrated, and yelling never end productively. Meetings where a parent brought forth one successful strategy that we had implemented in school or thanked me for something I had done for their child set the right tone and ultimately allowed us to work together for solutions.
Don’t Expect Your Teacher or School to Have Unlimited Resources
Parents are often shocked by the low salaries and even lower budgets for schools. Most teachers spend hours of their free time planning and scrape thousands of dollars from their near-poverty salaries to supply their classrooms, all while working in a job that doesn’t let you eat, go to the bathroom, or sit down. It’s exhausting to go to a parent meeting in which everyone asks for more and there just is not any more that I can give.
Parents are looking in on the school laser focused on their child. However, public-school teachers have had 25-32 students at a time with as many as 16 IEPs in a classroom. Parents can come to meetings wanting every possible accommodation for their child and don’t understand the limitations of our resources. It is not that the school does not want to give your student, rather, we are stretching already thin resources.
Do Come with Ideas, Opinions, and Feedback
Parents are fountains of information about students. Good teachers and school professionals value parental insight and ideas. If you know certain things are working at home let us know. Even if it might seem like it isn’t applicable for school, it might spark an idea that gets us moving on the right path. The same goes true for challenges. All of the people present at the IEP meeting are on your team and we can only help you if we really understand what is going on at home.
Remember, the core of any successful IEP meeting is: mutual respect, understanding, and open-mindedness. Keep these three things at the center of your mind and you will be on the right track.
Need help understanding your child’s IEP, getting extra support, or finding an IEP advocate? We’ve got you! Schedule a consultation with BES to find the solutions that work for your family and will set your child on the right track.